Today I realized that I don't have that seemingly infinite timespan between now and when I have to start growing up. I'm sixteen now, and that just seems so much older than 15, because now the Math tells me that I only have 2 years left until I'm a legal adult, and that just scares the hell out of me. Two years ago feels like yesterday and I'm worried that I've run out of time; That I've entered the game late. I have to seriously think about college now, I have to think about planning for the future and working for fruits that I won't receive instant gratification for, doing things for the future in spite of the present, fighting impulses really. I need to make that decision for what I want to do, go into Screenwriting? or maybe a Writer, a published author, maybe into Games Development... I've all of a sudden started worrying about whether I will be successful in life, I feel inferior to the mass competition nowadays, I feel that I haven't acted in the ways that I should to merit a path of success, I'm scared that I can't help but tread down to the mediocre when I feel I could do more. I don't want to have to look to the future, I don't want to have to sacrifice my present to have within my grasp security for the future. But I have to, and I just don't seem to be capable to make that switch.
Well, I wrote a bit. Um, saw Ninja Assassin on the 8th, my birthday. Pretty cool movie to go see with a bunch of dudes. Any movie that combines ninjas, tanks, sexual tension in the Europol Office and unrealistic ultra-violence has to be worth the tickets right?
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